The Homestyle

Cell phones are everywhere and {seemingly} do everything. Most of my friends have cancelled their landline phone in favor of family cell phone plans. I got my first cell phone when I was a senior in high school; most of Naomi’s friends had one by the end of fourth grade. I am certainly not opposed to cell phones. However, I think that parents should exercise wisdom and caution when handing a phone over to their children. The following are simply my own personal opinions and the way that we handle phone use (and ownership) in our family. I am not saying that everyone should handle it this way; these are just the things that work best for us.

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We did get Naomi a cell phone for Christmas this year. She is ten and a half and will be finishing fifth grade in a couple of months. She will be starting junior high in the fall, which is a whole new ball game to me. We have been discussing the topics of electives, sports, orchestra, and after-school clubs. I am realizing that our weekly schedule is about to get a lot more complicated. On top of that, Naomi is excited to take the American Red Cross babysitter’s training course in the summer, once she turns eleven. These things got us thinking that a phone could make these activities go more smoothly for everyone.

We put a good deal of thought into when to give Naomi a phone, but even more thought into how she ought to be allowed to use it. Here is what we came up with. (Again, this is not meant to be a “this is how you should do it” post, but rather to share why we’ve done things the way we have. I would love to hear your opinions in the comments too!)

• To begin with, we programmed in phone numbers for Naomi of people she would likely need to call. This included parents and grandparents at the beginning – basically anyone who might pick her up after school. We told Naomi that whoever was on that list she could freely call, but outside of that list she should not call or receive calls from anyone else. Basically, we wanted her to get used to the responsibilities (and etiquette) of having a cell phone before we opened it up to use with friends.

• We did not allow her to text for the first four months. Just last week we allowed her to begin texting the people we had originally programmed into her phone. I feel as though texting is an area that is sorely under monitored by parents in general, and that is scary. Texting can be a lot more secretive than a phone call. Your parents could overhear you if you are on the phone at midnight in your room, but would likely be none the wiser if you were texting away at 3:00 in the morning. Also, I think the content absolutely must be monitored regularly by parents. Which brings me to our next rule…

• On the advice of some friends we really respect (whose children are older than ours), we instated a “Phone Check” rule. Basically this means that Mom or Dad can request to see Naomi’s phone at any time, for any reason. We are allowed to check call logs and read any text messages. Basically, we told Naomi, “If you are writing or reading a text and you think you would be embarrassed for us to read it, you probably shouldn’t be sending it or responding to it.”

  

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• We have encouraged Naomi to bring anything questionable to us, and she has! We had forgotten to let everyone know that Naomi was not allowed to text at the beginning, and one family member sent her an innocent “hello text” one Saturday morning. Naomi immediately brought the text to us and asked how she should handle it. I suggested that since she was allowed to call that person, she just call and let him know that she wasn’t allowed to text yet. She also received a couple of phone calls from people she didn’t know (I’m assuming for the person who had the phone number before her); she didn’t answer and asked us to listen to the voicemails. In one instance (because of repeated calls and voice mails) I did call one of the people back and request that they delete this number and not call it again.

These are our rules currently. Click here to read more about how we are teaching phone etiquette in our house.

What rules do you have for your kids with their phones? When do you think it is appropriate for a kid to be given a phone?