The Homestyle

How would you describe your homeschooling philosophy and/or style?
 The classical style of schooling makes the most sense to me philosophically, but I wouldn’t say that our schooling is classical. It’s really a mish mash of what works for us. Really, my main goal, focus, philosophy, whatever you want to call it is to train my children to be loving, joyful followers of Christ.

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Give a brief rundown of your typical school day’s schedule.
 We try to start by 8:30 each morning, although that goal has yet to be a reality for every day of the week. Each child starts on work that they can do independently except for the one child whose “day” it is. Each child has a day of the week that is their day to help me with the meal prep, help me with laundry, pick up the dog poop outside, etc. That is also their day to put the date on our school calendar and to start their work with me, doing the subjects that require one-on-one interaction with me (like arithmetic drills, language lessons, reading). When that child is to a point where they are working without needing me (for example, working in their arithmetic workbook), I will work with whatever other child is at a logical point in their work. I don’t have a schedule of times and subjects because I just cannot make it work with multiple children. Each child goes at a different speed each day, and each subject requires a different amount of time from day to day. Instead, I have a checklist of the subjects (with lesson numbers) that I need to cover, and the kids and I check the list and cross off each item when it is finished.

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At the beginning of the school year, we finish around 4:30 each day (we break around noon for an hour or hour and a half of lunch and playtime) because we are trying to get back in the swing of things. By this point in the year (near the holidays), we are usually finishing by 2:30 or 3:00 each day. (Last week, we all finished before lunch one day! It was glorious.) It will take more time again after Christmas break to get back into the swing of things.

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Photo Credit: Modern50

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Kindergarten with Emma takes me maybe an hour or ninety minutes tops each day. The rest of the time, she and Micah play together. Micah is also very involved in much of what we are doing, cuddling with us as we read, pointing to alphabet letters on the wall as Emma learns them, scribbling on the white board as I demonstrate something to a child. If he is being particularly distracting, I will ask a child who has finished a bit of their work to take 30 minutes or so to play with Micah. This was a necessity when Emma was a toddler because she needed to interact with people so much. Micah is much more independent and compliant, though, so he has been a much easier toddler to incorporate into the routine of school.

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What are the most enjoyable parts of your homeschool day for you?
 When it’s done and the kids can play! (I’m only sort of kidding.) I love it when a child is excited by something he’s learned. It’s a great feeling when that spark of understanding fires in my child’s eyes. I think one of the greatest things, too, is seeing something we learned in school carry over into the “not-school” parts of our day, when I see a child curled up on the sofa on the weekend reading about the history of India or the weapons of the Civil War just because he is fascinated by it. I also GREATLY enjoy our various science experiments and history activities. Sometimes we will wait to do them until after my husband comes home, and we will do them as a family. The kids remember them from year to year, and they ask things like, “When will Elia get to burn the city of London this year?!?!? I can’t wait to do that again!!!!”

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What are the most difficult parts?
 Dealing with my own sinful nature as I interact with my children is by far the hardest part. Learning not to take their sin as a personal insult, realizing that instead it is a sin against God and that I am in the same boat as they are because I, too, am a sinful, selfish person in need of a Savior—that is a daily, hourly struggle.

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Confronting my own laziness, my desire to do things the easy way (for example, to ignore or just manage the character issues that arise in my children rather than disciplining them in a godly manner), is also a constant battle.

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Finally, I am by nature more of a task-oriented person. I find my default to be to try to accomplish all the academic tasks I have planned rather than to be focused on the job God has actually given me, which is to look after the hearts of my children. The character issues, the needs for affection, the deep conversations that seem always to crop up at the most inconvenient times—those are the jobs God has ordained for me first and foremost, and they are much more important in the light of eternity than getting everything on my checklist done.

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These are the areas I have learned the most from you by example. I appreciate how you worded all of this. I personally struggle daily with taking my children’s sin personally. What advice do you have for releasing that internalization of our children’s sin?

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There’s a saying that has been very popular in Christian circles for quite some time now, attributed to St. Francis of Assisi. “Preach the gospel. If necessary, use words.” I think we like it because it’s pithy and cute and somehow absolves us of the guilt we carry for not sharing the good news as often as we feel we should. There’s a problem with that thought, though. Actually, there are two problems. The first is that it’s not actually something that St. Francis ever said. The second, much deeper problem, though, is that it’s not biblical. We like to think nowadays that “words are cheap.” We talk about “living the gospel” or “doing the gospel” or “being the gospel.” I’m not saying that’s wrong, but it is sadly incomplete. Over and over and over again, the Bible tells us to proclaim the good news, to tell people about what Jesus has done for us. (Why are you answering my question with a sermon, Angie? you may be wondering. Hold on. I’ll get there.) Without our words, our actions, even if they are wonderful, have nowhere to point people but to ourselves. We must communicate the gospel with our lives and our words.

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So, when I’m dealing with my children’s sin, I try to communicate the gospel to them, with words, over and over and over again. You hit your sister. That was a sin. You are a sinner. You know you are supposed to love your sister, but as hard as you try, you just can’t. You feel like you aren’t good enough. And you’re right. You aren’t. But there is such good news! Jesus IS good enough. And He died to take your sinful, rotten nature and to give you His perfect nature as a trade. His mercy and grace are free gifts to you, bought at the unimaginable price of His death in your place.

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When you incorporate the gospel into your discipline, and you are forced to put it into words in a way that a four-year-old or an eight-year-old or a teenager can understand it, you very quickly realize that you actually need to be reminded of that good news, too. While you are reminding (with words!) your perfectionistic daughter that nothing she can do can make God love her more and nothing she can do will ever make God love her less, you find yourself reminded of that same thing. My good parenting will not earn me extra points with God. My many failures as a parent will not cause God to turn away from me. When you are thinking of words to portray to your competitive son that Jesus died in his place, wiping away not only all of his “terrible score,” but also giving him Jesus’ perfect score in exchange, you remember that you, too, have an awful score, and that your sins have been forgiven by that very same Jesus.

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In the light of the gospel, we come face-to-face with the stark reality that we are the same as our sinful children. They are sinners in need of a Savior. We parents are sinners in need of Jesus. It’s pretty difficult to take a child’s sin personally if you are genuinely bathing yourself in that truth. I described it as a daily, hourly (and I should have even said minutely!) struggle, and it is. It’s the battle to live in that gospel reality. How do you release that anger you have at your children’s sin? Take a good, long look at your own sin. Remind yourself of how much Christ has forgiven YOU. With that in mind, how could you possibly hold a grudge against someone else’s sin? Preach the gospel to yourself, first and foremost, and don’t ever forget that in doing that, it is necessary to use actions and words.

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If you could write a letter to yourself on the first day you ever did homeschool, what advice would you give yourself in retrospect?
 First of all, does anybody ever really listen to advice given to them when they are just heading into things? I mean, when I first got married, I thought I had listened to the advice of older, wiser, married people, but I soon realized that my expectations were very idealistic. It was the same with having children, only even worse. I was a fantastic parent before I ever had any children! I should’ve written a book then, when I knew it all.

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With that in mind, I think I would tell myself that homeschooling is not separate from parenting; it is an extension of parenting. As with every other big thing, you will start off with lots of idealism and insecurities. The most important thing is to take it before God with your husband. Make sure your plan for your life, for your parenting, for your homeschooling, is God’s plan. Don’t homeschoool just because someone else is. Don’t NOT homeschool just because someone else is. Get God’s plan for your family, and run with that. And reevaluate that. I once heard someone say that the decision you make for your child’s schooling should be revisited for every child, every year. I believe that’s wise.

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What thing(s) are you most happy with in your current homeschool situation? I’ve survived six and a half years of homeschooling without killing or maiming myself or my children!

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All joking aside, I love the fact that my children still love learning. I love the fact that they see themselves as a team. I love that they are not confined to interacting with only a narrow range of ages for the majority of their day, that they know how to play with younger kids and older kids, how to converse with children and adults and teenagers alike. I love that I am there to see the character issues when they crop up as little weeds rather than becoming aware of them after they’ve taken root and are more stubborn. I love that I can teach them at the pace they need to learn. There are so many things about homeschooling that are positives!

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Photo Credit: Pest Control Phoenix

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What thing(s) would you most like to change or improve?
 I’d like to be more gracious and gentle with the tone of my voice. I’d also like to start consistently by 8:30 every morning. It seems like we have a much smoother day when we are able to do that. I’d also like to remember to eat my own lunch every day. I get so busy grading papers and making lunches and cleaning up after the younger kids’ messes that I forget to eat sometimes. Food is a good thing, and I’d like to stop forgetting it.

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Is there anything else you’d like to say to other homeschooling families? Discouragement and frustration are normal. Also, since most homeschooling is undertaken by moms, the urge to compare yourself to others is common. It is neither helpful nor healthful, however. Find other homeschooling families, ask them advice, glean encouragement from them. Just don’t also fall into the trap of comparing yourself to them and either judging them or judging yourself as incompetent. Each child, each family, each situation is different. God has given your children to YOU for a reason.

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